Stepping stones back to life

No matter how hard it get, or how sad you feel, never give up.

I had a major bipolar incident a month ago, it made me end up in hospital for awhile. I learnt through this to be much nicer on myself and my mental health, for starters, to just stay away from social media. I don’t have anything that needs to be said. I wish the world wasn’t so connected to this digital other-realm. Some of my new habits are to write in a daily planner and to journal. I’m just trying to get by every day with as much strength as possible.

paintings for the living

Losing myself in painting has suddenly became very important to me since my mom passed away. The details and colours of life keep grabbing my attention more than what line drawings express to me currently. I didn’t think it would take daily grief and anxiety to completely to finally fall in love with light and color. I understand that art is meant to always be all on one layer, every little thing flows into one another. We have to take what experiences have happened to us, the happy and painful, and blend it all together for the rest of our lives. I’m looking forward to getting my first tattoo soon, am planning a indoor aquarium set-up for the old family turtle (featured below) and maybe just keep living as If I might die at the end of every week. It’s less stressful than it sounds and just means remembering to unapologetically be my crazy self.

 

Also made a weird spontaneous horror inspired video with some oldish art and animations that were kicking around. I discovered Audacity and took it for a ride taking existing pop music and mangling it beyond recognition into droning a hellsoundscape. Bound to lose me a few fake-fans in the process.

Global Game Jam 2020 // Repair

It was just that merry special time of year, the Global Game Jam time of year. The theme was “repair” and me and my best programmer buddy Andrew made “Mind Repair Solutions’. No idea why the site added the number ‘5’ to the URL since I’m certain we are the only game with that name. The resulting game should show how much fun we had! We made this not by pulling all nighters but instead summoning years of consistent hard work and experience in art and code.

I love getting making every piece of art in a game. Whether it’s logos, icons, character animation or backgrounds; being a solo artist for a game you are able to make all the little elements tie together. To me’World building’ isn’t wasting time writing a 6 page game bible pontificating on things you aren’t actually creating. It’s all about brainstorming visually, making solid decisions and just bloody making it. For the clinic staff we named Clara, I attempted speed cell shading in Tvpaint. Although it’s impossible to do good hand-drawn animation fast, TVpaint 11 has a way of making Color layers respond whatever you draw on lineart layer above so you can edit and fix colorable areas super easy.

TVpaint cell shading process!

I had zero experience using Godot Engine before this jam. My teammate Andrew only had a little bit of practice beforehand. We both value letting ideas flow between us therefore atmosphere, visuals and humor take shape in a natural way. I love Global Gam Jam because I learn so much about managing a production, communicating with teammate(s), realizing where my strengths and weaknesses lie. My artistic spirit, often chained down by storyboarding, goes wild when I get to be the sole artist on anything.

We’re calling this game a perfect blend between Steins;Gate and JumpStart 3rd Grade. You can play the game in your browser here! It even works well if loaded up on a phone, so don’t be shy and test it for us!!~ The page on the Global Game Jam site is here.

Delusion Eater

Happy first new post of the new year! I went on an epic Tokyo trip from mid December 2019 through into New Year 2020 with friends. Instead of writing stuff and sorting through 400+ photos, I just had to summarise the trip by making some comics to express express the weirdest and most memorable things. I printed some limited copies for a local Adelaide ‘Zina Warrior Print Fest‘ which I participated in for the first time. It was a great weekend and I will definitely try to table again. During the trip I only did a handful of travel sketches since I was too preoccupied with loving Japan. Sitting in a Shinjuku cafe having a nice ‘ブレンドコーヒー’ and listening to the bustling sounds of life was the only time I really drew.

To respect the people who bought my zine this weekend (you are the best! thank you for supporting my art) I probably wont ever put it up for free. If you want to read my comics as a PDF maybe follow me on the Gumroad I made.

I also just ‘finished’ an animation that was kicking around before I went on break.I invented this guy from the concept of being an ‘Eater of Delusion’. You can only survive him if you’re learnt to cast aside ego, (or maybe just have a rank hermit stank. either or…) It’s loosely inspired by the yoga psychology and stories I have heard,but I also felt like animating it because Hindu and Buddhist demonic art is rad.

Animation can express the flush of adrenaline when you’re jogging and a fave song kicks in. It can convey all sorts of chemistry between people. It can make clothes clinging to a figure become something precious and sensual. It’s only through the aware experience of mundane transient moments that we can start to channel it into art that feels truthful to life and full of ecstasy. I’m maybe making readers uncomfortable with that, maybe it’s my gender speaking but I have a need to communicate real intimacy with art. That’s why I’d rather see lumpy, impulsive and fleshy art than something clinical and copied. For once it feels like it should be 2020, and I’m excited and trusting myself more now than ever. I surprised myself last year as I have started to learn to stop looking backwards and forwards so much. Ah wait, I have a storyboard deadline tomorrow…

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