autistic girl things

I have gone through multiple ordeals lately that have only made me stronger. I know it’s bad to wish ill will onto people but, if you consistently abuse others kindness: **** yourself and die. I want to return to the carefree child I used to be before I started masking autism my entire life however, I have a real naivety which means I am carried away in moments, emotions and fantastical ideas. There are desires our body and heart crave that often conflict against the deep moral compass and rational thoughts of the brain. My body also tries to inform me when I am deeply uncomfortable; no sleep, illness in the pit of my stomach, shaking etc. Its scary to explain it, because I have realized that my brains ’emotional’ side, when in a vulnerable time, cannot be trusted one bit. I think I can channel every strange experience into art with time. Back to the love of my life (art) non-stop 24/7.

So I splurged on TVpaint 11 pro…

In terms of recent things fresh in my mind (before I completely forget this year); I went to a yoga sutra talk this last weekend and had an amazing friend give my work computer a massive hardware boost. I also caricatured myself a new avatar. Staring at old art is the biggest of all pet peeves of mine. The way other people perceive me is probably varying, but long features, scraggly hair and naturally furrowed eye brows is happily how I will see myself.

I bought TVpaint 11 Professional edition and am transitioning over into using that for my animations. I still have a long way to go to before I feel confident in this program, but I definitely see how it speeds up colouring heaps. I always want to preach about how much bravery it takes for anyone to attempt animation. Especially doing full hand-drawn where every decision for every micro-movement has a consequence as it flows into another.

It’s one thing to be an animation fan, or maybe dabble in copying drawings of characters, but it’s a whole different level of intensity to to put in the hours of trying to create a performance out of nothing. You can put labels on whether something is ‘limited’ or ‘full’ animation, but I always aim to better understand movement, acting, the constraints of a character design… it is absolutely infinite. How can you not get addicted to an art form that has a power to entertain and transmit emotions to whoever is watching?

One of the things I learnt about yoga philosophy is how doing things that ‘create fire’ are the things that are so good for you in order to grow, this means things that aren’t in your comfort zone. This absolutely is animation for me. My philosophy on art has expanded the more Iv’e learnt about Yoga philosophy and apply it in the (gruelling yet enjoyable) classes and in daily life. I am not specifically an intellectual person. Instead art for me is an expression of love, love of spontaneous, subconscious movement, like a change that is part of nature. In short, wanting to communicate some sort of energy; emotional and/or physical, is important to me. You can read any animation book to hear about drawing principles, but feeling the joy of movement is special.

I just want to draw more like me, no matter what.

Attending well past 100 Vinyasa classes since being back in Adelaide a year has had it’s affect on me. I may sound loopy, however I have actually always been like this, only I just found a 2500+ year old philosophy to back up my beliefs. Bye for now!

honest thoughts on improving

Hello again, a few weekends ago I went to Madman Anime fest in Melbourne. The con had a lot of interesting moments hearing from voice actors and anime producers. I think a memorable moment was seeing a pencil animation test from Ufotables’ Demon Slayer. I love getting to see an animation without the final colors, it strips back the layers and you can really focus just on the drawings. I wanted to ramble about some thoughts I’ve had growing as an animation artist. I think the core element is, if you don’t connect with that fiery feeling I just mentioned of how beautiful animation can be, you will probably struggle to improve at all.

You have to critically question the way you are thinking and talking about drawing. Often someone will tell me they feel their ‘proportions’ or ‘anatomy‘ are wrong in comparison to mine.  Instead a bunch of other ways you could talk/think about drawing is; ‘do I really understand the form of this exact part before I put down a line? How does this mass relate to the torso/head/rest of the body as it balances, what sort of balance is going on? Is the silhouette clear? What is the best way to caricature this persons nose? Is that a thumb or a forefinger because I’m having to squint at the model to see it properly? Ah just make it up” My point is…good drawing is never just one element. Having an open, honest critical eye is the only way I’ve been able to grow. Perspective, anatomy, balance, solid form, are all elements of draftsmanship that need to be faced head-first.

I want people to know that many storyboarding jobs have become like 2D animation. I just speak on behalf of my experience making episodic animatics. It involves many drawings yes, but whatever amount you may be envisioning, imagine way more, and heaps of unseen drawings tossed out because they didn’t serve the exact vision your directors had in mind. The concept of heaps of dispensable drawings is something that breaks a lot of artists. Mustering enthusiasm to embrace every new drawing is an attitude you either have or you don’t.

Hina Kagiyama (Touhou Project)

Another thing is understanding good animation isn’t always about fluidity. Animation should be about creating some intensity of motion/emotion with the timing of whatever you are drawing. I wish people reacted to my animations with more than ‘smooth’ but…internet right? You can see whether animation is strong of weak even in bouncing balls. With newbies you’ll often see just a plain simple circle floatily moving up and down. To the viewer, this says nothing. You need to think way harder about the acting, physicality, everything!-before you even start to animate.

In the end however, what matters more than drawing skill is always a love of art. Specifically, I don’t think you can teach a love of characters and their stories. This is where my draftmanship argument falls apart, because I can’t explain to people the wonder I felt discovering Inuyasha on early anime streaming sites. Alright I’m done for now. Thanks for sticking around.

animating using the FlipaClip app

The first animation here was made using Krita. I finally realised how to clip a multiply shadow later onto the colour layer. This makes adding shading more enjoyable than the last time I did it. Colouring is still a tedious hassle in this free program but hey, it’s way more enjoyable than the nasty drawing experience of Adobe Animate. The second animation is using my gorgeous new Note10 phone stylus and a app called FlipaClip. I need to give them a good review so maybe they can make it even more friendly for portable animation. My new Galaxy Note10 phone has an absolutely god-tier drawing preformance. I’m so pleased that technology has finally gotten to this stage that I could prefer a phone over my cintiq. ヾ(〃^∇^)ノ♪

I wanted to mention how much I need to prioritise blogging over social media worries. This all ties into my quest for mindfulness, minimalism and to live life my way. I choose focus over distractions, I choose to make and share art on my own terms. I’d rather be putting effort into vinyasa yoga and other pursuits that make me feel whole.

Lastly…how good is the new Dark Crystal guys?!!!!!!HOLY HELL I’M ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE WITH IT. I am trying not to binge it all in one sitting! I sense more fanart-a-brewing, because I want everyone know how badly I love it and how we need more gorgeous content like this. Thanks for reading!

Chamberlain best yess mmm