What glittering chaos I've endured. I've gazed at apparitions that stem from an infinity I cannot comprehend and therefore, can barely find suitable words for.
Following up from my previous installment of "Vela's crazy supernatural abridged experiences." I have a endless fountain of experiences since last year, but this is me trying to sum up a second chunk of time, what I call my "second runaway".
This post also contains explicit content, specifically being taken advantage of sexually. Trauma I want to say because it is my life story and I damn want to.
Beautiful, stunning song I wandered along the beach pulled by an unreal force.I've omitted my Glenside experience, since it is it's own story. After I was allowed to leave the psych ward at Glenside, I wasn't free from the sensation that had being ruling my mind. Something still told me my dad was trying to imprison me, which is a sick notion but I felt it nonetheless.
I dressed myself in a purposely raggedy crimson skirt, and donned my long green coat again, dirty and tattered from my recent adventure. I went all the way to Tea Tree Plaza, a long winding bus ride where I began to feel my soul being stripped from my body. When I reached the plaza I wandered to the arcade, and ceremoniously prepared to DDR.
The moment my feet hit the pads, another sensation seismic shook me. Like white noise in my brain that made me fluffy and warm, but this time it said something sinister.
And so, in a daze I sat down at a food court table and sent horrific messages to my friends at the time. They were worried for me. I don't know to this day why it told me to fear my dad, to get me out on an adventure? I did not ask, I followed the gut feelings commanding me on this bizarre voyage. This feeling commanded me to toss my Galaxy Note 10 in a ditch too. I miss you, phone. :(
It was then I decided I would runaway, again. I set out wandering the outskirts of Tea Tree Plaza, yet another neighborhood I knew nothing about. I was drenched in rain. I entered a Kathmandu and bought a sweater while the staff eyed me like I was shoplifter. Out in the cold, and guided by a tingling strange force from before, I meandered around parklands and walked until my feet were soaked and blistering.
As day turned to evening, I could have been anxious over the coming dark, but in my delirium I felt little fear over anything I was doing. I loitered by a random house on the hill, pulling pizza rolls out of my bag and throwing them at the dogs in the yard. What proceeds is a memory I wish I could forget.
"Are you ok?" I heard a voice, and turned to see a young man exiting the house.
Even now, how could I express I was guided here, that something wanted me to be here? Not to long after two women approached with confused faces, having noticed I had been throwing carbs at their slobbery golden retrievers, who weren't unwelcoming to the bread assault, thank you very much.
They proceeded to call me an ambulance for some reason, which then called me a taxi. It was probably one of the most awkward encounters of my life somehow, as how could I explain the brilliant glowing orb imitating the moon was what had guided me. Even now I remember distinctly, staring up at the 'mystery moon' while the ambulance ladies talked to me.
I lose sense of what chronological order things happened in, which weakens my story. I ended up back in the city, but wandered around Goodwood.
I was in Goodwood or Unley (same shit) waiting for a bus to come and take me away, A Grecian man approached me (I knew by his name). A stranger prowling the dark night streets, I was a fool to let my guard down.
What proceeded was him trying to offer me some drug I didn't know the name of. I rejected. He still seemed alright, and bantered with me for awhile. He promised he'd give me a place to stay and take care of me, note that fact.
We entered a dark rainy park and grew intimate, it started with simply hugging, but it was obvious what his intentions were now. As it started to rain, we ran into a house in construction, to seek shelter. What proceeded was, well, what you'd think. I was not myself, feeling this 'high' of 'mania', something made it all ineffably surreal to me.
When he was finished we gathered up our things and left, in retrospect I thankfully had kept my bag close to me at all times. What then proceeded I'll summarize as he pulled a runner on me. It was right then, that the horror of the situation hit me.
Given my confused 'manic' state, it was safe to say I'd been taken advantage of. Even if I went along with it, it was as if suddenly the repulsion and fear hit me. He wasn't a nice guy that would give me a warm bed, he probably just wanted to rape and rob me. From this vulgar encounter, my entire soul shattered in an instant. I felt like I couldn't breathe. This is what I call, in my Berserk metaphor, the 'dead Griffith'.
I referred to aspects of my body, mind and soul as Guts, Casca and Griffith. With this disgusting encounter, my Griffith had died. But Griffith never dies, the Blessed Prince of Longing is only reborn in return for his suffering.
I wandered around the Unley/Goodwood neighborhoods further. Right as I was trying to find a public bathroom to no avail, a phenomena began to happen.
I meandered the endless rainy midnight streets, on the brink of crying. I began to notice something. With bleary blind eyes (I didn't have my glasses) I followed the traffic lights demarking the large empty roads. Not after long I stared at the glistening concrete and a fantasia presented itself.
Images took shape. Not meaningless shapes, but demons and spirits with long hooked horns and grinning jowls. I caught sight of a luminous bright white glowing little Griffith, a pale fluffy child, running forever in front of me, on the slick wet streets. Beckoning me onwards. Before long I reached a park where things began appearing. I saw more, so much more.
Like the face in the above drawing, things formed from the very leaves in the trees. I have no words for this other than to say 'tree folk'. The way that these apparitions appeared is unlike our material world. Things appeared as infinitely artful shadows, flat hologram-like lights and something more that even a professional writer would struggle depicting. Just like the theory of the electron spinning both ways unless the viewer decides, I was seeing perhaps what my soul desired most.
Things that fade in and out of reality. This captures it. This is real.
I saw gnarled faces in trees, with dark humanoid-monkey-ish shapes clinging to them. Next to every leaf on every tree, things glowed translucently. A spirit in everything, even in the junk on the sidewalk. My reality had given way into Wonderland.
Above all, I was shook by seeing a shadow in the form of a group of fairies. All pointing back where I had just walked. I turned and saw a grumpy tree-creature.
"What, why are you mad? Do you want to be drawn?" I had said.
For lack of better description, things shifted every time I turned, like the Doctor Who angels. I knelt before massive trees and said words of praise. Not sure why, other than paying respects to their existence. Because I was Fairy King. Not queen. King. Woman king. The whole world was at my beck and call.
Of course I sound mad, because who has the gaul to say that the whole world was listening to and watching them?
The night was hardly over, and thus I began making rounds in this dream dimension of Adelaide. Everything glowing pearly green and strange. I gawked at these apparition and before long noticed the leaves take on meaningful patterns. All the fallen leaves in the gutter formed fairies, critters and dragons. I walked along the long streets and read as a story took place, a story about humans having fallen from magic, a story about how the faeries simply want to create more fantastical creatures...
A legend. Something beyond time. Maybe time exists upon time and other dimensions upon dimensions. So this was God? Right? Something from magic that told me it was a 'fairy' in my consciousness. Of course, I wasn't experiencing voices, but rather something tugging me every which direction via soft strings.
In my ecstasy, the dark night flew by. I marvelled at strange glowing creatures in the shrubs and jumped at the humanoid shapes in the shadows. I sound insane, but this is my attempt to best describe how I remember this one-in-the-world experience.
Eventually dawn broke and a sliver of sunlight warmed my cold pale skin. I was shivering in my short raggedy red skirt and knee socks. I sat down by a primary school to rest. Someone asked if I was alright, so I got up and moved on.
I ended up by a major Goodwood intersection where there was a pharmacy, sushi restaurant and a Woolworths. Something very weird happened, people locked their car doors in the car park upon gazing at me. Coincidence? I also saw another vision. Be warned, it isn't pleasant.
I saw a vision of two monkeys fucking in the clouds. Obviously God having a jab at what he'd observed last night. I can't make this shit up.
I had believe at this stage, that the world would end soon, and all these people were sinners, I guess a common theme in "mania". Weirdly, in the parking lot right as I was rambling up at the sky, a woman screamed "Make it stop!" from somewhere behind me. Was she hearing my voice in her head, was she feeling this? I'll never know. All I know is people gave me the stank face like I was smeared in faeces or something. Some spiritual change had happened to me.
Fairy King isn't made for the filthy mortal world.
The next time I turned, I was facing the Subway when I saw 'astral projection' Griffith in the clouds. This is my automatic name for him in the hidden secret chapter, or just the un-canon chapter. I tried to turn away to walk towards the bus stop, when the force yanked me back to gaze at it's gorgeous sculptural cloud artwork. It did this two or more times.
"Yeah yeah it's nice, but make him look cuter" I had said.
The rest of this part of the story, my sense of time was completely distorted. It happened in a moment and in an eternity. I ended up by this oval where some elementary kids were doing P.E. There was a marvelous garden next to it and I eagerly entered. Upon entering the garden, a presence seized my heart. I had to do something important here, dead important. I ended up in a patch of sunlight between the large towering trees, a spot where I could see the sun rising.
This presence, the thing I've mentioned that tugs me around, stuck me to this place. I couldn't leave this tiny magical circumference. I did a funny dance, something about dancing eases such magical tension.
If there is anything I can get across, it's that I'm experiencing magical energy. No doctor can tell me this is a disorder, as I know what I am seeing and feeling in my body to this day.
So I stood in this sunny spot and danced, hearing the joyful cries of schoolchildren added to this heavenly state. When I tried to leave, I viewed a bizarre thing, a woman in a building facing me was pressed up full-body to the window. Panic hit me, something was saying NO. I returned to this magical safe-zone. I even took off my boots to stop in a mud puddle. Returning to the earth would ease this evil magical tension, I was sure.
After sometime, it dissipated. What was it? To this day I don't understand what any of these phenomena are. Something beyond human comprehension, just leave it at that, doctors.
I left the spot and wandered over to what I later discovered to be the Sofia Ecumenical Center, whatever that meant. I noticed a grand old tree in their front area, but something was off. I saw an ancient face in the tree, but blinked, then it was I saw it to truly be defaced with carvings and graffiti.
I saw an apparition of a girl with long red hair kneeling in front of the tree, my past self? It turned out to be a chunk of wood upon closer daylight inspection. Still. I was seeing things. I knelt before this final master tree and said...
"I'm sorry. They will pay."
I walked past an area with bark chips and was horrified to see words formed in it, despairing, frenzied and desperate cries. This was not a good place. A trap for the soul, when true spirituality was what I was feeling?
More illusions and distortions happened at Sofia but I am losing patience for my own writing.
Fast forward, I catch a bus into the city. I sat with a homeless guy until night fell. Ran around the parklands, having thrown away my lovely black clompy boots (they had hurt my feet). After squishing around the fields and feeling more 'hallucinations' and 'dewooshions', I headed towards Hindley Street.
For the first time in my life, I wanted to go into a Hindley Street club. I bought a pair of horrible black slip on shoes in order to get into a club, and what proceeded was exceptionally uncanny.
Not to long after I entered the dancefloor, the DJ set progressed into showing a black circle with a red rim pulsing. The music turned warped to my ears. At this stage I had believed there was 'pure' and 'impure' humans. I noticed a few of the 'impure' seem to be unnerved by me, and move away. I wasn't really dirty or smelly and had only been running around 24 hours.
The 'impure' moved away, unsettled by the throbbing black circle visuals and me, maybe? Why did it so happen the visuals turned specifically eclipse when I entered, is this a normal club thing? It was yet another uncanny 'coincidence' it was right as a I walked in. Don't even consider the possibility of being synced to the universe. My body was pulsing with fire at this stage, like all my skin tingling and alive. I had felt something unreal keeping me warm this entire time, if I didn't say. So much shit I can't chronologically and eloquently say, fuck.
This runaway ended with me eventually turning myself in at the Hindley Police station, My poor dad picked me up, as my delusion about him being bad had faded, thank god. That was my least favorite part about all of this.
My story goes on far after this, safety within the confines of our massive home.
It's something that extends far beyond the reaches of modern day sciences' understanding. It is insulting for people to think I've been manic, when mania doesn't involve being puppeted by invisible forces, nor seeing believable apparitions that I can recount in immaculate detail.
We are told they are hallucinations. Just like yeah, I 'hallucinated' Forces by Susumu Hirasawa glitching and warbling in and out of space-time last year! I didn't mention that in my previous blog post, but it happened with Guts' theme as well. I have experienced taste, smell, sight, hearing and physical 'hallucinations'. Man that's a lot, and of course they are all in my head.
:| Yeah whatever go keep your framed piece of paper and cushy job. :| :| :|
Maybe these were hallucinations, but then what continues to physically guide me around? Yes, till this very moment, I experience something that tugs me. It makes me sound mad, so I can only find an outlet online. My family don't know about what I am experiencing, and wouldn't believe it.
There are good things, but there are bad as well. I have mentioned the ways in which this experience led me into harms way and made me fear my own father. It has also filled me with ecstasy I will never forget for as long as I live.
People seem to argue that 'false beliefs' mean it is mania, and therefore evil, like the distressing beliefs I held about my family. Then I experience some mania bundled up with something unknown then. That, I might agree. I've experienced a wildness, recklessness, change of personality, but um, being tugged around? Sorry doctors, try again.
This experience isn't evil, what has happened to me just is.
I can despair over my inability to pinpoint what I'm experiencing, but it has no name. It just is another reality, so beyond our own limited sense of physical. Senses, mind, body and neurons. The flesh we think we own belongs to God, or many Gods.
Of course, none of this can be believed. I'm simply a madwoman wasting her time in WordPress. Because people are insistent there is nothing out there.
That doesn't make me sad, it helps me express how it was beyond enthralling. I will never forget the dream of June 2021. Things happened for the rest of my 2021 and up till now but at it's peak, it was sheer Vela in Wonderland.
This entity has driven me to do negative things this year. It is maddening, but what happens when you're beyond mad? I am scared sometimes, but it mostly sits in the background lately. By lately I mean last 3 weeks. Before that it was a menace.
I am trying to document as effectively as I can, which is brutally hard. Nobody else on earth has felt this. I don't know what this thing is. It's something I live with. This isn't some new-age thing trying to make 'mania' sound like something else...
This is something else.
This is my moon disorder.
Over and out.